PL 2011 - Be gone with you!

After spending last night hastily trying to finish PL 2011 I became aware that this supposedly precious memory keeper had turned into a school assignment. One that I was trying to hastily finish for the next day. The Journalling was bland and scarce and ephemera was 'shoved' in wherever it would fit. My project life had become nothing more than an 'olden-day' photo album...sigh :(

Then I became disappointed; this is not what this project is suppose to be about - record keeping because you have to. Each year I say I'm not doing PL again, but there is something about those perfectly cut cards that I just can't resist. Darn my stationery addiction!

With the December pile of goodies sitting ready to be completed today, I'm trying to be less concerned with getting PL 2012 started. But, January is nearly over and I haven't even begun. The OCD is kicking in... This would be a good place to insert my 2012 phrase, 'let go'!

Where does time go? Or are we so busy with life that recording it becomes secondary? Should I really be worried, or should I worry more if I was up to date and my PL looked perfect? Would this be a reflection that I'm documenting more and living less?

4 people 12 times - July

We are over half way for 2011 and the 4 people 12 times project is still going.

It's been a while but I thought I'd share July.


July - where did it go?

I know I remember getting my hair cut and coloured with Julie, I know that Tony went on his surf trip with the boys. I know the cats continued to drive me crazy at night with the hissing and fighting, I know that I ventured further with my art journal, I know that Joshua got a report card that we are very happy with, I know that Jillian is continuing to have some issues at school but she is working through these better than at her previous school.

I know that I'm not scrapbooking as much as I'd like to be and there is the 21 Secret online art course that I haven't had time to delve in to. I know this because I know the deadlines at work are continuing to bear down on us with all the weight of the end of the world (dramatic, I know).

I know that Tenielle and I met in a park and trained hard. I know that we will be sore. I know this is a good thing. I know that Jillian and I had brunch in a park and that I bought her some ankle high Hannah boots, silver glitter and Velcro included. I know that she LOVES them.

I know that Astra continues to grow, I know that she is very cute and has begun smiling.

I know I spent too much money and ordered some delicious art supplies from overseas. I know that these will bring me much joy and I know they will last over time. I know art therapy is good for my soul and nurturing my hard arse side.

I know that Tony had a disappointing football season. I know that this year, football for both Joshua and Tony has come to an end, I know that Jillian and I are happy about this, I know the boys are not. I know that Tony will return to football next year with more vengeance as a result of the disaster of the 2011 season. I know I wouldn't want to be playing against him. I know he is not ready to retire from football regardless of injury, age or cost of strapping tape each week.

I know that Dasha Cat is getting older as she becomes more possessive of her spaces, I know that she has decided the art room is her little spot when I'm in here - this is nice. I know she thinks the lamp over the art table is her personal heat lamp and the green cutting mat is just for her. I know I hope I have a nice, warm spot to relax when I am older.

I know our morning routine of hot drinks in thermos ready for the car is a little memory that we will all have and one of the many little threads of life that binds us together as a family.

I know that when I was home one day there was a big freakin lizard on the outside wall near my door and I know that it scared me half to death. I know I don't know where the lizard now is. I know I'm still freakin out about this. I know I'm driving everyone crazy with my incessant "shut the door!"

I know that Skyla left to go overseas for a very long time and this made Jillian very sad. I know there was little I could do to make her feel better.

I know that I spent a good hour and a half making rice paper rolls and I know these were devoured within 10 minutes. I know for certain they tasted great because the kids kept telling me that this is now a family food favourite and when will I be making them again. I know that this won't be happening again soon.

I now know that when I don't think much happens in our daily life I know that I am wrong.

I know the little things matter.

advice given should be advice taken

I wanted 2011 to be a more settled year than previous years. The signs were there at the beginning of the year for this to be my rebuild, relax and refresh year. In fact all things 're' were appealing to me. Then things changed. Little events began to happen that threw me off my big- ship-in-calm-waters quest. I am still recording monthly the highlights and day to day occurrences in our household and I although I wanted to document them on this blog, I felt the pressure of 'over-sharing' and the public criticisms of not keeping things to yourself. Do you ever go through this? How much is too much, and why should anyone else care? Why does it bother me that others have an opinion on what I choose to share on the web?

Even though I had committed to being more committed to regular sharing of events on this blog I withheld and typed without real purpose or direction, without colour or public display in a word document that sat safely within the hard drive of my computer.

Then more "things" happened. I changed jobs, got a financial shake-up from the universe, I thought a lot about the past, re-connected with people from the past (very grateful for this) and tried to cut cords with the past.

I think my message is about honesty to myself about myself. This is hard. Does this mean not giving a shit what others think about what I say or do? Isn't this just another name for selfish and arrogant? So my dilemma begins again. What exactly does being honest with yourself mean, what does it look like? I know that I really don't need that almond Magnum or second helping of roast beef and gravy. I know that my lazy arse just needs to get out of bed in the morning and go for a walk, I know that the excuses I make for not going to the gym after work don't fool anyone, even though my husband lets me get away with it and pretends my excuses are valid. *sigh* *big sigh again*. I know that happiness is a by-product of just doing stuff that is good for me, us.

Then I read Alicia's blog and my perspective changes. Here a young teacher, a mother of two, I use to work with has breast cancer. I smile, tear-up and read with an ache in my heart about her breast cancer "journey" and feel guilty and ashamed for my whinging.

I gave good simple advice two weekends ago, "so what are you going to change for change to happen?" hmmm.... maybe I should take it hey?

Time to press 'publish post'.

January

January is the month where as a family we really get to relax. The craziness of December is over as the kids begin to understand the meaning of holiday. January sees us potter around the house, go to the beach, play and just chill.

January is also our wedding anniversary. This one's for you Tony. I love how you never, never, ever complain or pass comment when I ask you to do something for me. There is never any eye rolling everytime I'd like the pictures around the house changed, no groaning when I ask you to hang something from the ceiling for me - no matter how obsure the request may seem. You clarify where I'd like the picture/candle/lantern/ladder/bamboo hung and away you go. I know this may seem like a small thing but to me it's huge. The fact that you never give me a hard time about any of by creative pursuits makes me love you even more. It is so easy being with you.

I love you.

January also marks 'back to school' for all of us. This year Joshua begins year 10 and Jillian enters year 5. Joshua is currently wearing size 12 shoes and 34 inch waisted shorts. He weights 73kgs and consumes this much weight in food with a daily regularity. Jillian is a slight 32kgs and her favourite foods are still gherkins, olives and watermelon, not that she would say no to lollies or chocolate either. As time has passed the differences in lifestyle habits between you two continue to increase. While you both love the outdoors and playing sport, down time is better spent with Joshua in front of the computer, TV or ipod while Jillian can be found escaping to some far away land as a pirate, castaway, rockstar, wizard or all of the above. Joshua can't go past a steak and chips while Jillian prefers Salmon and rice.

In January I learnt alot about metaphors. I learnt that there is no easy way to get out of a waterslide tube (literally and metaphorically) and I learnt that to get struck by lightning you have to go out in the rain.

In January I spent more time with my family and friends at the movies, markets, scrapbooking and hanging out. I missed that last year.

In January, QLD was devastated by floods. We lit some candles and said a prayer. We are grateful.

In January I committed to a better year, month, by month.