After a particularly challenging week at work (Yes, I know it was only the first week of the school year!) to which I felt every emotional possible, to which left me in desperate need of another holiday, to which on Thursday evening when I felt I had resolved the issue personally and professionally, this is what was sitting in my inbox;

It wasn't ever supposed to hurt, Briohny. You weren't ever supposed to cry. And I never dreamed you'd sometimes feel so helpless.

Yet, as things have turned out, lots of folks have trouble getting out of bed on cold, dark mornings.

Anyhow, Briohny, should there also be the occasional pain, tear, or touch of sadness beyond that, please realise these were anticipated, bargained for, and even sought after. As each would illuminate your resiliency, prove your strength, and help you blast through every flimsy notion that would otherwise keep you from seeing that even now I hold you in the palm of my hand and that all things are possible.

Such a deal,
The Universe


So timely
So apt
So needed.

Reminders

I can multi-task. In fact I prefer to multi-task. It's just at times all those spinning plates lose momentum and balance and crash to the ground. When this happens, my multi-tasking skills turn to moosh and I end up with half completed but ever growing to-do lists, incomplete jobs and a messy office.

In an attempt to avoid this ineffective 'multi-tasking' the new word on the canvas is 'one thing'. It's a pretty in-your-face reminder to focus on the one thing that I should be working on. Forget the moments of 'must remember to do that' that pop into your day - that's what post-it notes are for. Granted my office may end up looking like this

But, the goal is, by staying focused on the 'one thing' that is occuping my mind and my time in that moment I should be able to highlight more off the list to be done, be less stressed and 'nicer' to be around!

I am hoping that 'one thing' will lead to 'many things'.

Impromptuness Should Be Mandatory

I want more nights like tonight.

Josh returned from visiting Kellie and Phill in Newcastle and Jillian had come back from a couple of nights sleep over at Nana and Grandad's. Don't get me wrong, Tony and I got very use to just the two of us in the house very quickly, now that I think of it, it was very easy to slip into having no kids around routine.

Jillian asked to play a game before bed, Smarty Pants on the Wii was selected and whilst these events were pretty non descript I thought this would be a great opportunity to get my one family photo for January.

I placed the self timer on the camera, set it up on the shelf and let it do it's thing. What I was expecting to be a brief 30 second photo while the family were distracted turned into an impromptu photo shoot with Jillian and Joshua being the stars.

I love simple moments like this. This is what we will remember.

I love how Jillian and Josh didn't fight.

I love how Tony sat on the outside pretending to not be part of it with the faintest little smile on his gorgeous face.

I love how Josh played up to the camera.

I love, love, love how Josh took the camera, zoomed in and set up three photos.

This never happens and I want more nights like tonight.

Blank Canvas

I thought I knew what I wanted to create on my sparkling white new canvas; a series of handwritten and stamped words that relate to 'family'. Words like 'grow', 'time', 'joy' and so on would be graphically imprinted into a lovely geometrically designed canvas. My little shadow at the moment, a.k.a Jillian, created her own mini version. I got as far as my third word before I set the stamps down to help her complete her canvassed vision. Her idea is much cooler than mine and looks awesome.



Since painting over my words I now have a black canvas to start a fresh with.

Is it coincidental that today is New Year's Day and as the 1st January draws to a close I am staring at a clean slate (so to speak)? I though that maybe I could stamp a quote on it that beams at me, God like from above the computer. Now I'm thinking that I might leave it black and blank as a reminder that it is a new year and a clean slate. Maybe I might stamp a word on it as achievements and accomplishments are reached this year. Consider it a variation on Ali Edwards 'one word' for the year.

I think my first word will be fresh. As in fresh coat of paint, fresh New Year, fresh, start at work, fresh to begin training again, fresh food and fresh ideas.

Time is a Master

It took a week of long service leave for me to realise how much time controls my daily life. The balance needs to be, well, more balanced. The relationship between time and myself has to change.

For the first time in 10 years walks on the waterfront did not replicate a maths problem. The time was not spent looking at the watch trying to calculate how much time I had to walk, what time I had to leave to get the kids, how long it would take me to get home, was dinner to complicated for the time I had? Time, Time, Time. Why do we let it control our actions to the point of obsessiveness? It felt somewhat gluttoness to sit and watch TV or meander through websites without glancing at the watch. Dinner, well, that could go on anytime really.

Along with time comes the complicatedly simple things we tend to miss when Time is the master. The bay on this particular day could have been mistaken for a well protected lake, there was not a ripple on the water. The surface looked slightly metalic as it reflected the mercury coloured clouds bordering the horizon. As I stretched, enjoying the selfishness of being able to take my time, a dolphin breached the water, follwed by another and another and another. How grateful I was to witness this play between nature. I glanced around hoping that someone else was watching the dolphins play and we could share a moment. All I saw was a group of workmen fixing a path and families having morning tea. No-one else was observing what was now at least 15 dolphins having a grand old time. As I continued to watch them frolick it made me realise what elese do we take for granted when we are time poor, poor prioritisers of time or ignorant of how lucky we are to have time?

As I prepare to head back to work tomorrow the relationship between time and myself will change. Time will be my friend.

B x

I'm in Love

Birds do it, Bees do it

Even educated fleas do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love.

I've signed up for a 12 week on-line art class and I'm in love!

Gesso and paint and etching and transfers all in week 1.

It is good, it is very good, my soul is starting to hum a happy tune.

In my dreams

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.

Twyla Thorp

Spending the past hour or so trawling through Donna Downey's Inspiration Wednesday section on her blog has made me pine for a week at home to create and play.

Oh how I long for the time and the solitude to immerse myself elbow deep in paints and crayons and watercolours and inks and all sort of things deliciously artistic. To play, to sketch, to get some drippage with paint, to glue and cut and to texture all on one big divine canvas.

Before the Craziness Begins

It's nearly 8 and

• the house is quiet = bliss
• we have visitors for a few days = nice
• Tony's shoulder stayed where it's suppose to be playing football yesterday = relief
• my stomach is grumbling = hungry
• we're counting down to school holidays = joy
• I'm in need of some creative respite = inspiration
• everyone is asleep or quiet = stealing moments of peace = grateful

Out of Sorts

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept it; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, begin it well and serenly and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. Emerson

I took this from Ali's blog. Another universal nudge to hang in there.

Right now I need to remember this quote. Right now I need to get over inconvieniences and frustrations in my everyday life and shrug them off as temporary and for that day and as part of everyday life.

Right now I need to remember to breathe, stay calm and enjoy the simple things. Right now I miss the company of friends and wonder how they are. A phone call won't feel the need to sit, drink coffee, chat, laugh and bond a little more. Girls, if you're reading this I am thinking of you sending big hugs and love from you to me.

Right now blue is my favourite colour, I still love my coffee machine, the garden is looking healthy, the bathroom is nearly finished, nature is providing me with beautiful photo opportunities, we will be up early, very early for a dawn service, my children are healthy, my husband is by my side and I still love my job.

With all these wonderful things being part of my everyday life why will that knot in my stomach not go away?

The photo I never took

Here's the photo I never took, you sitting on this stool ($4) playing this guitar (freebie) singing at Recycleland with a 'sold' sign behind you and this pot ($2) on the ground 'busking' for some money. Your hair out and unkempt, skinny black jeans, singlet and boots. You definitely had 'the look' going on. I had visions of you 10 years later singing your heart out to an audience with your guitar and your stool, minus the busking pot.

As I watched you 'perform' Miley Cyrus from a distance, amused by how comfortable you looked and how carefree you were, I noticed people stopping and watching you for a brief moment before they continued on their bargain hunt, leaving either with a smile on their face or having a little chuckle to themselves. Maybe they to saw a glimpse of the future. I only wish I had a camera to capture this moment.

My wish for you dear Jilly is to always have the courage to feel comfortable in your own skin and the confidence to sing wherever you may be and whatever you may be doing.

Love you, Mum.

Feeling a bit like this

I remember when the whales had wings she said. Whatever happened? I said. It got to be too noisy with all the airplanes and other stuff, so they flew into the ocean and never came back. Some days, she added, I think about going too.

(Whales, story people)

A Real Tea Party

Today was an unexpectedly delightful day. What started out to be a fairly innocuous family baby shower became a sisterhood session involving traditional tea sets, beautifully old English plates, a lace table cloth, home made sponge cake and fresh sandwiches. What was only attended by the girls of the family saw a gathering of grandparents, aunties, nieces, cousins, sisters and daughters. This was followed by a refresh in ma and pa's pool and a couple of glasses of bubbles.

Putting all this delightfulness aside, the best part of the day was without a doubt the trip home. Jilly and I soared, windows down with 'So What' blaring, singing our lungs out and my little Pink rock chick groovin away in the front seat. An absolute 20 minutes of pure, raw, freedom filled joy...priceless...truly priceless...

Bx

Musings on a Saturday

Everday musings have become somewhat of a habit for my daily sanity. I find that they provide me with comfort, amusement or allow me to be retrospective. In particular, nature has provided the most stimulus. The abundance of flowers on a tree, the sound of the rain, the sunlight through branches, the rocks on the beach, the colour of the clouds all have caught my attention more so than normal and for that brief moment it feels like time is slowing down for me to imprint the image in my mind. I am grateful to myself for taking the time and the effort to bother noticing.

Recent musings and moments I am grateful for from all parts of life include;

• Complete peace whilst painting a canvas with the rain in the background


• Jillian saying that now she has a 'new' bedroom she thinks she will sleep in there every night.


• Joshua commenting while Jillian was helping him sort his clean and dirty clothes from his clean clothes drawers that the way to tell whether his socks are dirty or not is how crusty they feel on the soles.


• Joshua asking if I had mashed white broccoli to go with dinner (it was in fact mashed potato).


• A three level high retaining wall covered with white flowers from a tree on the top level


• Beautiful girlfriends who allow me to be honest and challenge my thinking as well as one who produced the most beautiful baby I have ever seen


• The fact that we are not in North Scotland where currently it is -22 degrees.
• The video shop has my favourite TV shows to hire, this makes me very happy.
  
• A developing garden that I know in time will provide me with my own little piece of paradise to retreat to


• A healthy family and holidays
• The photo above of Tony surfing with dolphins

I look forward to 2010 providing our family with many more moments to remember and be grateful for.

B x

Anonymous and Afar

Dear from afar

I think your letter was neither wrong, strange or surreal. At times, for reasons that we can not practically fathom we are guided towards closure or a new opening. However, I'm not sure which this is for you. People come into our lives for a season, reason or lifetime. You my friend I believe are around for a lifetime. Our contact may not be direct or regular but it will at times be present, as you say, in our mindset.

I am grateful that my life has been blessed thus far. I have a loving husband, children who are delightful if not challenging, a career that I enjoy going to work for nearly every day and girlfriends who I would be lost with out. Do you have the same, a life to be grateful for?

My passion for what I believe in has at times been a hinderence rather than a help. It is one of those characteristics that we have as individuals that defines us but needs to be kept in check. That along with my paranoia.

I am filled with a sense of warmth and nostalgia when I read your note. It cheers me to know that I have brought joy to at least one person in this life. If this is the person who I think it is, then you too have given me fond memories that will last.

I hope that 2010 brings you good fortune in all that you desire.

Briohny

Updates or Procrastination

Actually, it probably maybe a little of both. Convincing aren't I?

• the rennos are pretty much finished (big hooray here!) with our patio looking delightful and the gardens coming along nicely. The bathroom (aka termite heaven) is still yet to be done. We have resigned ourselves to the fact that we don't live/socialise/eat in the bathroom and therefore the exposed termite eaten beams/wall/window sill will just have to do for now...at least we aren't sharing this space with a colony of wood munching house destorying bugs. A friend raised an interesting question "With all the trees getting knocked down, where are the termites going?" ummmm, I think "our house" is the answer to that question.
• I could spend far too much money on plants for the garden, question - is it possible to plant too many plants? Do plants feel invasion of personal space and suffer from anxiety due to over crowding?
• 6 days til my birthday (sigh)
• very much enjoying the rain although the washing is not
• a BIG pile of marking to do (this is where the procrastination part comes in)
• report cards to be writing once the BIG pile of marking is done
• Wondering if technology makes our life easier or does nothing to help those who are time poor. I have been negligent in checking my regular blogs, updating this one, touching base with people on Facebook (still not convinced about social networking), keeping up to date with emails, downloading online courses I am suppose to be doing and providing feedback on ebay
• Emily Falconbridge is up to Q42 and I haven't finished Q1, this means the following; it's only 10 weeks until the end of the year (suggests I can still lose 10kgs in 10 weeks), a mother of 3 young children can move to another country, have a baby and be an earth woman and still find time to create, I have to get my butt into gear....hhhmmmm.... I do have a 7 hour train trip coming up.
• 30 school days left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Joshua played his first ever game of Rugby League last week. I know this momentous occasion deserves its own blog entry and scrapbook page. It was with great reluctance that I signed the permission slip. For no formal coaching he did exceptionally well (scored a try and all). We were very, very, very proud.
• Joshua also went on a bivouac to Straddie. We hope that he continues with the cadet program into the airforce.
• Jillian is continuing to challenge us in many ways. She still refuses to sleep on her bed, with the floor being her current location (last week it was the couch). I have always maintained that as long as she is sleeping soundly, then I don't really care where she sleeps. She is falling behind in her school work and we are working at improving her understanding of the English language. Our little free spirit is feeling a little restrained, thank goodness for her fairy garden.
• green is Jillian's and my current favourite colour
• After spending some time over the past few weeks with various girlfriends I am grateful for their honesty, time and companionship that their friendship provides and acknowledge how very lucky I am to have them in my life.
• everything is and will be okay

How is it in your part of the world?

Who Moved My Cheese?

I love cheese, all kinds of cheese, vintage, chedder, creamed, camebert, dutch, smoked, grilled, it's all decedant and delightful and it goes with all sorts of other food and wine. It really is a perfect little package of goodness. I strongly belive in the good cheese can do so much that I eagerly read a book entitled Who Moved My Cheese? It really is a fabulous book about change.

Very timely for me to read. At a time where I am unsure about the direction I would like my career to head in and at a time where I need to support my knowledges about health with a little (well a large) bit of practical action, this book provided great insight into getting up and doing.

Does change scare or excite you? Have you ever said that "change is as good as a holiday"? but never really believed it? Or are holidays stressful and expensive for you and therefore, change is very much like a holiday? Me? I like change when it is convienient for me, othertimes, it is easier to make excuses as to why not to change, much like one of the characters in the book.

Essentially cheese is the 'thing' you want to achieve, the 'thing' that requires you to leave old things behind and seek out the challenges of the new. For me, I need to let go of the old cheese, of the way things were once before... a long, long time ago, and move forward to new cheeses. As Hem writes on the wall in the hope that Haw will leave his cheeseless environment and find his message, "It is safer to search in the maze, than remain in a cheeseless situation".

B x

Bucket List

There are people in your life who never cease to amaze you. My grandmother, Nana Dot, as she is affectionally known, is one of these people. She has a 'bucket list'. Today she marked off one of those items when we went to Yum Cha with her. You know what I love most about her list? It is realistic and achievable. A helicopter flight - done. High Tea in Government House - done. Using the self serve photo order machines - done. A walk through the Governer's residence - doing very soon. When asked what wasn't on the list - bungy jumping or tandem skydiving, why? Despite the fear factor, the dentures may fall out.

Got me thinking about my bucket list. Do you have one?

Marvellous May...

Henry Jones Junior

Hello, my name is Henry Jones Junior, or Indianna for short. I became a Cuskelly-Lester a little under 2 weeks ago. I came from a loving family who just couldn't have any more animals. I have a bit of a sad story as I didn't know my mum but that's okay because where I'm living now I have a mother and an uncle. They don't seem to want to play with me though. Even when I chase them around the house and nip at their legs! All they seem to do is hiss at me and swat me with their paws. They aren't very fun at the moment, but I can't wait til they want to play hide and seek with me.

I like my name Indianna, it suits me. I'm named after that awesome adventurer, Indianna Jones. Yep, that's me. King adventurer cat! I go climbing, jumping, chasing, hiding, running, playing, exploring just like Indianna Jones. Briohny wanted to call me Stitch because I like to tear things apart, bite and I go really, really fast all of the time. Tony thought Scrappy Doo would be good for me because just like Scooby Doo, I like to follow my uncle around, but Jillian and Joshua decided Indianna Jones was best.

They keep trying to take photos of me but I'm too fast for them....

Teenagers and Toddlers: Is There a Difference?

This came from Emily's blog.
I can't help but notice the similarities between the rules of a toddler and the rules of a teenager.

I've added to the rules how they relate to a teenager

The Seven Rules of a Toddler (and Teenager...added by me)

1. If I like it, it is mine. - this includes, the ipod, laptop, dvd's, socks (because you can't find your own), the favourite spot on the couch...

2. If it is in my hands, it is mine. - see above and add remote control to this

3. If I can take it from you, it is mine. - again, see above

4. If I had it a little while ago, it is mine. - hhmmm...again, see above

5. If it is mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. - unless of course I like it, take it and then it becomes mine and never was yours to begin with because I liked it...and so the cycle goes.

6. If I am doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine. - I'm going on out on a limb here and grouping this under the heading of 'technology'. Something along the lines of 'I was watching a DVD so the TV is mine, I'm checking my emails while I have paused the DVD so the computer is also mine, as I am watching a DVD, the remote is mine, the ipod has songs to listen to while the emails are downloading, so, yep mine! Meaning nothing that I am using/holding/pausing is yours.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine - Summing this up in one question - 'How many pairs of headphones have been 'lost' because they look like mine?'

I'd like to add a few more to the list, those that particularly pertain to that of a teenager.

1. If I have money, I will spend it

2. If you have money, it is mine to spend

3. If it's in the cupboard or fridge or on the stove it is mine to eat

4. It is my mess in my room therefore, my choice to clean it or not

5. Leaving school shirts buttoned is called time effeciency.


Does anyone else feel like this? Feel free to add your own 'teenage rules'.

B x