Photo Eclipse

Joshua letting me take photos of him is something like an eclipse, happens on a rare occasion and when it does it is defiently worth seeing. Today was one of those 'eclipse' days. I got lots of photos of him and the majority of them were great! I was super duper happy.

They will keep me going til the next eclipse. Usually around the 6 month mark at our house.

Good Food Fast

Homemade pizzas are regularly on the menu at our house. Whether it be the staple Ham and Pineapple or bits of everything or something a little more gormet like Tandoori Chicken with Avocado and Cashews (yumm), the humble tomato paste and a pizza base are never far away.

Tonight was no exception. While the family went the yummy but not so healthy option, I chose to be a little more disciplined in my pizza selection. Vegetarian without copious amounts of grated cheese was my selection. Baby spinach leaves, mushroom, sundried tomatoes, olives and fetta cheese is what ended up on my pizza base. And can I say it was suprisingly delicious! Will be having that one again for sure.

p.s. I know it doesn't look very appetising but it sure did taste good.

Downer

Today I feel sad and I don't know why. I don't feel like talking to anyone and am quite happy to be quiet in my own company. It's a day for soppy movies and lying on the couch comfortable in my own misery.

Yes, I know, quite depressing, I understand. You may be reading this and saying get a god damn grip woman, dig yourself out of that hole and face the world.

One answer for that... Nope!

The Journey of the Yellow Wall

I am very proud to say that I have finished with the initial layout of the yellow wall. I mentioned to a friend that it felt very liberating to paint something a little unorthadox. Something that I had complete ownership and responsibility for.

The words of inspiration are from Ali's blog aliedwards.typepad.com. I felt that these words were most who I am or words that I will follow.

The wall will in fact be a journey as it evolves and grows.

b.me

This is a photo of the cover to me 'She' album. A 'She' album for those of you who are unfamiliar with Heidi Swapp's work www.heidiswapp.typepad.com is an album that is devoted entirely to yourself. It encapsulates the essence of being a woman. What is important to you, what your ideas are, what gets you down and makes you happy. I guess you could call it a photo journal.



There is no particular theme to my 'she' album. I would like to keep it relatively simple and journal on each layout. This photo is of the front page. It is rather confronting having to select photos of yourself that relate to an idea that you have. I had many giggles along the way laughing at my mullet I had in the 80's and the quirky photos of my teens when we thought we were so hip.

p.s I LOVE those Heidi Swapp flowers' Y

The Journey of the Yellow Wall

2006, so far, has been an incredibly different year. In a period of 8 weeks, at the start of the year we moved out of our rental property. A home that had been ours for 9 years and bought our very first house. A change in leasing arrangements and landlord expectations forced us to review our housing position. After my selfish anger, initial panic and tears of frustration, a friend reminded me ever so truthfully and somewhat harshly (that's why I love her) that in fact we had no right to call our rental a home when in fact it never belonged to us. We just claimed it because we had been there for so long and had one inspection in that time and that perhaps we buy something that does belong to us that we can call a 'home'. She then proceeded to advise that my anger towards our landlords was in fact illfounded and that perhaps I was more angry at them for forcing us to step out of our comfort zone and, in her words, "give us the kick up the arse that we needed". She was and is right.

So in an 8 week period we went house hunting, applied for a loan, cleaned, threw loads of stuff out, cleaned some more, packed, cleaned again and moved house to a beautiful suburb 30 minutes from our previous residence. The new house we love, the paint we don't so love. The rumpus room we adore, the colours, we don't so adore.

The rumpus room has bright royal blue and yellow walls. The blue is not so bad, great background for photographs, however, the yellow somewhat resembles the colour of egg yolk. It is 'happy' and bright but not very theraputic or mentally stimulating for school work, scrapbooking, or any other work or meditative activity. We are not in a financial position to repaint the room so I decided to paint a section of my yellow wall, that my desk backs onto, with a white 'canvas' section.

Stage one of the journey of the yellow wall (now it looks like a reverse egg)

The simple idea behind this is it becomes my inspiration or reflection or this-is-my-space wall. I intend to paint some inspiring words (my husband has said nothing to deep and soppy - right oh!) or a nice quote (ditto on the previous set of brackets) so that while I am creating or working I can look at my wall and not see a massive egg yolk but inspiration.

Happiness is...

A rainy Wednesday night in June...

This moment is perfect. Great episode of 'House', it is raining, a Cadbury Flake that I do not have to share with anyone. New episode of 'NCIS' and a freshly painted wall that I am going to have as a creative space.

n.b. The photo is a self portrait that was taken just before this thought was put onto paper.

susie homemaker meets miranda

I struggle with the concept and the reality of being a mother. I always have and I think on some level I will never fully come to complete acceptance that that is one of my roles in this life. This is not the place for my friends to tell me that I am a good mother or that I love my children dearly. That is not what this is about and those things are a given. I am not a great mother but I am better than some and I work with what I know and what I can do.

As for loving my children... I think the feelings you have towards your children are not so simple as to be defined by the boundaries of love. I get too frustrated at the time it takes to do things for the kids, the time it takes to make a family work, to get the lunches ready, clothes washed, dinner made, stories read and for play time. This is time I want to be with me. Selfish? Yes, exceptionally so.

I have never claimed to be a 'susie homemaker' and that is what works for me and my family. So why this sombre post that is full of contradictions?

I have begun to change how I feel about my children. Don't assume here that I despise my children and suddenly I have found love. As previously stated, the feelings for your children can not simply be defined as 'love'. This is meant in the most genuine and sincerest way possible. I want to spend time with them, to have them around be it arguing with them or sitting near them while they are playing. No longer am I so willing to leave them in the company of other people.

The problem you may ask? is this. I am struggling with wanting the ever so selfish me time (i'm not talking about the everybody-deserves-time-to-themselves time, you know the hours upon hours to just be your own company? I LOVE that kind of time!) and the time I want to be a 'mother'. I don't know if this inner struggle is derived from spending so much time with kids at work and helping them through their lives that I come home and don't want to deal with my kids or if it is the fact that I feel so much of my life has passed me by. That there is this inner being who wants to travel and explore the world.

So as I sit at my loyal and trusty laptop with one child asleep on a sun lounge (yes, she refuses to sleep in her bed but will sleep on a sunlounge in her room) another cocooned between two sleeping cats and a husband who will not stop snoring, I will tonight, no longer confuse you all with my susie homemaker meets Miranda (aka sex and the city) battle and just let things be.

Cleansing the Soul

I have this very special friend who we shall call Angel. We don't see each other as often as we would like despite the fact that we do live relatively close to each other. After leaving her company I always feel cleansed. We laugh, chat idoly, have deep conversations and share a kindred bond.

It is pure serenity...

Horse Whisperer photos

Photos from Miss Jilly's 5th Birthday

Horse Whisperer

Miss Jilly had a lovely day celebrating her 5th birthday. We had to wake her up at 9:10! How many kids do you have to wake for their birthday???? Hello!!! and how good a sleep in is that! Ever sung Happy Birthday to a child who has just woken up??? Poor kid, freaked out a little then realised what day it actually was, got all excited told us to sing it again and promptly asked for her pressies. Lots of things girly and pink. As I was slightly sick of sharing lip balm (are you cringing Pamber?) deoderant, moisturiser, hair brushes, lip gloss, perfume, hand bags and a makeup case we decided to get her her own supply of all things nice and smelly. This coupled with pink clothes, pink shoes, a pink belt, Dora the Explorer toys and lots of other goodies certainly ensured Miss Jilly's day off to a good start.

Horse riding was the next thing on the agenda. So shoving a piece of toast down her mouth we hurried out the door car loaded with the cake, lollies, patty cakes, biscuits, party bags, lasagne for the adults, cordial and the all important camera.

Just a little background here... Jillian goes horse riding with a family friend probably once a month and I always hear how great she is on a horse. I kind of dismissed it as an exaggeration more than anything and humoured whoever bragged about her riding prowess.

I could not believe how confident Jillian is around horses and the girl can ride! I know she has an absolute adoration for horses but this girl was a little horse whisperer. She looked so comfortable in the saddle. Telling Oakey where to go, when to slow down and when to stop. She then got on the horse with Amanda (family friend) and steered sideways, backwards and then galloped a little (she's not allowed to do that by herself)! Feeling all proud and in awe we all clapped and cheered. Then our little equestrian wanna be was leading the other girls around on the horse for their turn. She held the reins, walked the paddock and chatted to Oakey the entire way for each lap.

You know those moments you have with your kids when you just can't help but watch them and smile, and then you get this warm feeling where the moment is just consumed by you and your completness of your child? Well I had several of those moments. I then reflected on how my girl has jumped, every so sneakily into that next age bracket, and I got a little sad.

My absolute favourite moment of the day? When the following conversation occurred between Tony and Jillian while he was giving her a big cuddle.

"You’re a big girl now that you are 5"

"I’m not 5 yet daddy"

"Yes you are, today is your birthday"

"No, I’m not 5 til I have my cake"

"Oh, well we won’t let you cut your cake and you can be 4 forever"

"No daddy, I want to be 5 so then I can be like mummy"

it is coming...

For those of you who have reminded me ever so kindly....The photos of Miss Jilly's birthday are coming.

ouchy bits

gggrrrr..... It is soooo winter! How do I know???? Lovin' that winter chaff! Around all the already uncomfortable bits...bra straps, waistline on pants....